I was hiking part of the backbone trail of Topanga Canyon (located in the Santa Monica mountains outside of LA) last Tuesday, and I became moved to my core how profoundly I felt the Divine loving, living Spirit with me.
“Back to where it all began.”
Were the words that entered as soon as I hit the trailhead. This was my first trip to Topanga, my first time hiking this trail… so why “back to where it all began”?
The desert has always been a teacher of mine. When I was 13 I had my first cross country trip out west and I fell in love with the desert southwest region of the States. I remember telling my mom I was going to live there someday (I grew up on the east coast) and… in fact did.
I moved to Las Vegas, NV just before I turned 21 and worked as a server and bartender. My son was born in Las Vegas, August 5, 2008 (yes, he is almost 14 in a couple of weeks!) I learned so much in the 3 years I lived in the desert, and as a 22 year old young mother. One of my favorite rituals was to drive up to Lone Mountain and catch a view of the whole valley, soaking up in awe the vastness of endless desert beyond the city. Or I would head to Red Rock Canyon which was truly a vortex – I would always receive what I know now to be “Spiritual downloads” I started to get a taste of the wisdom I could receive when I would take time to slow down and get present with myself, dropping into my inherent essence.
In my early 20’s I was seeking… seeking deeper spiritual connection, to know my life’s purpose and live a more awakened, conscious and connected life. It was really important to me. My time in the desert during this chapter of my life was a magical portal for me to open and feel the possibility of divine connection.
Back to this hike.
Back to where it all began. In the desert, one of my greatest teachers.
“I need to clear!” I announced as soon as I hit the trail. I knew Spirit was with me and listening (and no one else because the trail was absolutely empty) Topanga is a super small, quaint artsy, country hippie town… it felt reminiscent of a west coast Woodstock (NY). This was around 5:30pm, I planned to catch the sunset as I was climbing the mountain. A golden hour hike it would be.
I needed to get some stuff out of my heart & head and onto the dirt beneath my feet.
I needed the earth to absorb what was weighing heavy on my soul and psyche and help me transmute it.
I’m sure, if you’re reading this, you can relate to me when I say, “I’m on a Soul’s Journey.”
This hike was incredible.
Something I love to speak about is the act of walking what I call The Brave Path. This was that kind of experience.
Entrepreneurship is an incredibly courageous path, one that takes persistence, intention, patience, willingness and a sh*t ton of surrender. I’m learning everyday and have come so freakin’ far on this journey over the last 8 years.
With every shift, twist turn, uphill, flat, unexpected curve we get to be courageous and continue to step forward. We get to trust that we are divinely guided and can honor each moment as an opportunity to surrender even more to that guidance. It’s all available and always available to us.
Context: I’m making a big, intentional and Aligned AF move in my business. Big change. Next level growth. I’ve been working and building towards this for the past 2 years, if we’re being really honest and transparent, and well the time is now and here it is. Here I am.
Through working with private clients and investing in my growth as a certified Mastery Coach and business owner, I’ve been deeply developing my framework to create the impact I see that’s needed in the space for service-based entrepreneurs, healers, leaders, coaches, creatives. I have the utmost passion in guiding new conscious entrepreneurs on the beginning of their path to gain clarity in how to align their purpose, passion and profit – all while being deeply guided in building their business through their spirit and soul, not scarcity and doubt.
And as amazing as this shift is – expanding my 1:1 coaching offers into a Signature group program for service-based entrepreneurs who want to empower their purpose, create confidence and alignment with their offers and profit plan while developing themselves as a connected and conscious creator and entrepreneur –
Change can be scary.
Growth stretches us.
Every time we make a powerful decision and chose to embody BEING in that powerful choice– fears crop up. I’ve been witnessing it deeply and I wanted to address it with God/dess on my hike in Topanga.
The response I received was incredible.
“I need to clear!” was my call in.
“Game on dear one, I felt and heard internally, I’m here.”
I called in my guides, ancestors, the divine loving presence that holds us all… Guides of the highest love, compassion, protection and truth. And I just expressed, out loud and unfilitred for about 5 minutes, all of my fears, doubts, hesitations, misperceptions misunderstandings of limitations, releasing and acknowledging the entirety of my experience.
As I was rounding an uphill corner, I heard the song “Somewhere over the rainbow” – Now, everytime I hear this song I think of my Dad and his passing. I’ll never foget and will always pair this song to the memory of when he was dieing and my mom and I got in the car to drive 8 hours south to see him before he passed, the second we got in and turned the car on, this song came on. We both cried.
I heard it on the trail, where was it coming from? I’m up here all by myself, or so I thought. I looked down below the ridge I was walking and saw a family of four, mom & dad, and 2 little girls, twirling on their deck dancing, floating, being this song.
My heart melted. Dad’s presence. The essential presence I know he always would want me to feel. My parents divorce and Dad’s disgruntlement and overall dissatisfatction/discontentment in his own life was a major thread to my deepest pain and source of limited conditioning and old programming of separation.
But this moment – I felt so much warmth and love when I saw this beautiful family, parents adoring their children, children in their innocence, it was so… healing. We can heal through open hearted witness of the experience of others in their wholeness.
And so it is.
I carried on the trail… moving upward. Realizing at that moment, the core of a deeply uncoinscius block I have been exploring and unraveling for months now… finally pinpointing it:
I have felt seperate.
I have misunderstood that I am seperate from that which I deeply desire. Like it wasn’t really available to me. I’ve done so much “worth work” around knowing I am truly inherently, beyond worthy – but there was still someting sticking that was lurking the shadows… something that felt like “yes, but…not all the way for me…” I have been spending time with this deeply embedded unconscious block, trusting it would eventually unravel. It finally did.
I asked outloud “Why do I believe I can’t have it? Why not all that I deeply desire? What’s holding me back from connecting to the availability of it all? Whats the block?”
What I believed (up until that point) that was not avaialble to me:
- Deep, unconditional love from the partner of my dreams.
- Personal wealth that I use to heal the planet and transcend collective consciousness.
- Creating a legacy of love, leadership and awakening.
- Impact that heals and empowers others to live their most free and liberated life.
Not far after that beautiful healing moment witnessing the sweet family, I came to a narrow part of the path, tall desert grass high as my hips on both sides.
Then I heard it – a gentle rattle.
Of course. A desert rattlesnake.
I froze. Stung by fear first.
I backed up to a more open part of the path. I literally turned around and was in so much fear! I started to coach myself through it, letting all parts of me, the fear, the empowered, the courageous, the curious, the hopeful, the this-is-ridiculous part of me – every part had something to say. I let it all speak.
I knew if I quit, if I turned arund and gave up on my hike I would be so disappointed. I had an objective, I had a goal to get to the top of the trail and catch the glorious view. I wanted to see it! But I had to be okay with knowing there were snakes in the grass… literally.
Kinda like business right? There is always something to be scared of, fear to feel and choices to make. Ultimately, it’s how we hold ourselves through the moments of paralyzing doubt and questioning that pauses our progress, it’s how we hold ourselves through that and decide to move forward in alignment.
I started walking forward. I said an extra prayer and called in more divine support. I called in protection, safety and expansion.
I felt brave AF. Then I laughed because I realized how powerfully we expand when we move with our fear.
We expand when we are in truth, when we keep going, decide to do the scary/hard/innovative/brave thing that maybe someone else would run away from.
That’s when we expand.
We expand when we believe in ourselves.
We expand when we embrace fear, not resist it.
Halfway through there was a pretty sweet spot on the trail boasting a beautiful view of the canyon. I paused and proclaimed out loud all of the limitations and disillusionments of separation that I’ve held for (what felt like lifetimes) so long.
“I’m letting go of all of the borders and imposed restrictions, limitations and the disillusionment that I am separate. That I can’t have what I want. That what I deeply desire is not available me. That I didn’t think it would ever come to me. That my dreaming is just wasted energy. I release the old beliefs that I don’t belong. That I can’t have. That I won’t. That I’m not.”
“I am.”
From nowhere I heard a voice, “Speak from I AM. Say I AM. Everything you want you already have and ARE. Speak from I AM. Because You ARE.”
I looked down to a lower part of the trail, towards where I heard the voice. I saw a blur of movement and perhaps the color of a shirt, a garment, but then it just disappeared.
I didn’t see them again. It wasn’t until I was hiking back down the mountain an hour later that I passed a couple of people hiking up. I just knew I saw someone, I knew I heard the external voice of human… or an earthly angel perhaps.
I started to view this hike as a mirror to my own journey. Every twist, turn, uphill, downhill, split in the trail, decision I had to make on direction – is like walking the brave entrepreneurial path. There’s really no wrong way to go. It’s all just an experience. I knew I was held, I knew I was safe on the trail, and every time I felt a prickle of fear, due to another rattle in the grass, I just called in divine protection and let my intuition lead the way.
The next pivotal point I came to along the trail was a beautiful, quiet, extremely shaded place, where an old wooden bridge connected one side of the trail to another. I looked down below the bridge and could tell there once was water that ran through the ravine. It felt like I stepped into a portal. I felt my ears ring a bit… and then everything was so quiet. Still. Peaceful. The divine was here. I felt an all encompassing presence cover me and draw me into walking slowly across the bridge. I cried.
“I am. I am. I am. So hum. So hum. So hum.” I recited sweetly with tears in my eyes as I crossed the bridge. Each step was a meditation. An invitation. A devotion.
I am not separate. May I not ever feel separate again from anyone or thing. May I remember that I am a living, divine manifestation of the great creator and creatrix energy. May I honor my experience on this beautiful earth and this lifetime as the most incredible gift of an opportunity.
If that’s the approach I am choosing, how do I approach my life? How do I approach my business? How do I approach being a conscious and awake mother to my son?
Everything shifts when we live from this place.
I started to call in and claim why I do the work I do. Why I believe so profoundly in my clients and their vision, mission, value and journey as a conscious creator of their lives and business. Business is leading the way forward and I love it – and I want to empower and light the way forward for those who feel called to walk this incredible path. Let’s elevate humanity together.
As I started to connect to and call in the wealth I desire, the more money I make the more impact I can have, the more I can create and change and truly give access to those who need it. As soon as I started calling this in, I came to a point in the trail that felt absolutely luxurious, the dirt became softer, like velvet red earth beneath my feet. I took my shoes off. The tall desert gras was whispering in the glow of golden hour sun rays. It felt like I had made it to a resort of some sorts. Nature now being the luxurious mirror.
When I reached the top of the trail I found myself in a grove of huge, old oaks. A wide open field, the backend of Trippet Ranch. A glorious view. Sun was setting beyond the mountains and my breath went deeper in my body soaking up the gorgeous moment.
I had walked with God/dess. The Divine Spirit was with me the whole time. Leading me home, leading me back to my core truth and understanding, letting me shed and release all that which was no longer serving me in my bold path. I landed on my knees in gratitude and wept. Beautiful tears of thanks and profound understanding returned to the earth.
Theres so much more to my business than anything on the surface, this is divinely embodied purpose. This is the conduit of expression, alchemy and healing I get to bring to the collective.
In the greatest honor I surrender to my responsibility of collective healing and empowerment.
I am not separate, neither are you.
As I journeyed my way down the mountain, I was skipping, singing and thanking the Divine with each step. It was like I was coming back down to get everyone who was ready to walk their own Brave Path. As I passed a couple of sunset hikers, I smiled and nodded to them in with encouragement. It’s like they knew what they were there for too:
A walk with God/dess.
